i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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