Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
