You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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