Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
