Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
