I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
