Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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