My brain says no but my pants say off.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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