don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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