Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
