i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
