i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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