My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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