dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
