have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
