i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
