Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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