i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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