I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
