I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
