Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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