Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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