What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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