So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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