she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
