Jerry, you need to find god
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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