Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
