went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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