Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
