Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
please come you make the beer taste better
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
