And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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