Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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