I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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