Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
