i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.