You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
