bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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