Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
