Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
