That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
