it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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