my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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