Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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