I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
