Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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