Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
