How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
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I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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