just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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