I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
