But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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