hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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