you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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