ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
nutella sex= disaster
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
