If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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