GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
