I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
