mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
