then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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