Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
