Pants 0. Shit 1.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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